I'm going to ignore the fact that in 17 days I will be homeless and that the bank that owns the McMansion that we are trying to buy came back after 3 days with a counter offer of 75 cents less than the list price and their real estate agent asked for more time to talk some sense into them (which was last Thursday) and still there is no word.   Let's move on to why we are all really here--to  read about my poor parenting skills.

K:  Are you taking a shower soon?
D:  Yeah, why?
K:  Can you take the baby in with you?
D:  Sure.  What's on his head?
K:  Olive oil.  That's what "The Internets" told me to do.
D:  For his cradle crap?
K:  Yes, Derek, for his "cradle crap."
D:  Isn't that what it's called?
K:  Of course the medical community would refer to the excess skin on a baby's head with the same word commonly used to refer to "feces."  And just to let you know, I'm going to forego your suggestion of scrubbing his head with "an old toothbrush" and just use his little baby brush that I found in an old crate.
D:  He smells good.
K:  I'm thinking now that when they said to put olive oil on his scalp, they probably didn't mean EVOO with rosemary, huh?
D:  We were just talking about what to have for dinner.
K:  We could grill him up.

He stared at us like we had lost our minds.  And somehow in that very moment I realized there were going to be lots and lots more of those stares before it was all said and done...