I don't even like to use the phrase "potty training" as its mere mention causes certain people to then ask incessantly about the progress of any form of potty training.  In fact, it will be the only phone conversation for at least 4 weeks and it may be implied repeatedly that the only reason The Boy is not, in fact, potty trained already is because his mother is lazy.  It may even be implied that The Boy's Mother is "holding him back" from his true desire of being potty trained.

Whatever.  When I caught him climbing onto the toilet a few months ago, I went with it.  Then when I suggested it, he flipped out and didn't want any part of the potty.  I tried to buy his performance with candy.  This was a problem because the kid can pee on command.  100 times a day if candy is involved.  The candy was out.  I gave up and told him to tell me when he wanted to go on the potty.  It's been hit or miss ever since but I'm not getting him all worked up at the tender age of just-turned-two.

But even though he is pretty young, I can't take the smell anymore.  I mean, I signed on "for better or worse" when it comes to his father's smell, but I shouldn't have to take the dead-animal-smell eminating from my son's backside.  Especially when we both know it's coming and yet one of us choses to just lift a leg while sitting on the couch so it can all come out a little easier. 

Sitting on the couch beside me.  I have suggested he go into a corner to do his business but he insists on sitting RIGHT BESIDE ME when he fills the diaper.  It appears calculated.  Call me crazy with my conspiracy theories, but it ain't a conspiracy theory if it is actually happening.  So today I trotted off to the bathroom and for some reason he followed me.

K:  If you put your poops in the potty, you can have candy.
E:  Can-key, Mommy.
K:  Gotta put the poops in the potty.

And then I did the unthinkable.  I went over to the cabinet and pulled the candy down.  I sat down on the stool in front of him and began to eat the candy.  He panicked and was up on that toilet as fast as could be.

He miscalculated and then he was standing in the toilet.  He pulled his foot out and swung it over the side. 

Then he lowered his entire body into the toilet until he was resting in the bowl.  Bidet style.  Five minutes later and there was still nothing.

One leg and one ass in the toilet bowl water and still no poop.  And now he is sitting beside me on the couch.  Doing you know what.  Guess I can finish off that candy myself.