Oh, you treat them different, whether you'd like to admit it or not.
This entry was posted on 2/22/2007 8:36 PM and is filed under Nathan,Ethan.
Things you do with the Firstborn:
- Buy the Costco size Dreft Baby Detergent, use it for the recommended 12 months (and I mean TWELVE MONTHS, PEOPLE), only cheating once when you find that damn onesie underneath the bed after you washed every single eff-ing piece of baby clothing in the house.
- Leaving an establishment the second the baby started crying so that others would not bothered.
- Pull over on the highway IMMEDIATELY when baby starts to cry so that you can feed him. Heaven forbid he feel abandoned by you when you haven't been holding him for a whole 5 minutes.
- Only drink 1/2 of a beer to ensure that baby would be "safe."
Things you do with the Second born:
- Buy the Costco size Dreft, use it for baby clothes washed before birth, then forget that Dreft is on the top of the fridge in the basement and just start throwing baby clothes in with towels, dish rags and whatever the hell else needs to be washed because, for God's sake, did he really need to pee on that outfit when he could have just waited one more minute to pee in his brand new dry diaper.
- Pretend that baby is not crying because, for God's sake, we are paying big bucks for this meal and how long has it been since we've been out, we are going crazy, what do these children expect from us?
- Start singing "Little Red Caboose" really, REALLY loud so that we can't hear the screaming of the children on Mile 26 of our drive and while these kids don't look a lot alike, they clearly have the same ear-piercing scream that will make you want to lie down in front of traffic. Not traffic through a suburb street, but traffic in The City on a Friday night before a lauded opening on Broadway.
- Drink my half of the "Portions for 6" margarita recipe from cook's illustrated cookbook that dad was inspired to make after incident chronicled in #3. Hope that baby will sleep for at least another 45 minutes so majority of alcohol can be gone from system.
