Last night at 5:40 p.m, approximately 20 minutes before the Postal Service takes the last set of packages out of the APC machine for the night (i.e. the last shipment of the day), I realized that I didn't have any more "Definitely Not Having A Silent Birth" t-shirts in small.  This was highly unfortunate as M (keeping it anon to protect the innocent) had ordered one.  I freaked out, because that's what pregnant women who own their own business do.  I decided to call M and ask him what he wanted to do.  Which is what I did.

"Hello?"

Crap.  A woman.  Possible THE PREGNANT WOMAN.  Now I had to be professional.

K:  Hi, may I speak with M?
W:  He's not here.  May I take a message?
K:  This is Kristen calling.  I'm calling in reference to an online order he made.  My number is 867-5309. 

Just kidding.  I didn't say that was my number.  Now that would have been funny.  Except if she was pregnant, she wouldn't have thought that was funny.  At all.  And she would have cried.

He finally called back after I had already made an executive decision and mailed out the package.

K:  Did you perhaps order a maternity t-shirt?
M:  I did.
K:  Is the person I spoke with earlier THE pregnant person?
M:  Yes. 
K:  CRAP!!!  OK, I just want you to know that I was VERY worried that she was so DON'T WORRY.  I was very coy.  I was all "this is in reference to an online order he made" and my husband thought I was a freak.
M:  (laughing) Great.
K:  No, not GREAT.  M, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.  WE DON'T HAVE ANY SMALLS IN YOUR SHIRT SO I WAS CALLING TO ASK WHAT TO DO!!!! 

In case you were wondering, I was yelling.  Derek was laughing, M was laughing and I sounded like I was certifiable.

K:  M, I SENT YOU A MEDIUM!!!
M:  That's great.  We'll make it work no problem.
K:  I also threw in another shirt in Small--the Baby Brewing shirt I was actually calling to see if you wanted another free shirt instead of that one but then I was all, "I don't know if they are heavy drinkers like we are and would want the Mommy Wants a Cocktail shirt."
M:  (still laughing) Actually there is a little of that going on over here.
K:  Well, I sent the safe bet. 
M:  We really could make the medium work.  Is there any way to take out the free shirt?  I don't want you to have to do that. 
K:  Nope it's gone you know the Postal Service says it will get to your house in 2 days but are those people on CRACK and I know this from personal experience there is no way that shirt is getting there in two days and what if you wanted to give it for the holidays and it wasn't there on time so I just wanted to get it on its way so the chances of it getting there would be better if I sent it tonight and I didn't hear back from you in time before I sent it and if she just wears it to her doctor's appointments and tells everyone she got the shirts at Baby Brewing then it will be GREAT and I am 8 months pregnant so I am a lunatic. 

And then I breathed.  Which made my husband VERY happy. 

M:  Congratulations on being pregnant!  We will tell EVERYONE where we got the shirts!!!  Talk to you soon.

I love M.  He's not my favorite customer.  That would be Tara.  But I still love M.