Last weekend I was in the shower and I looked around the curtain to see The Boy walking by, cleaning his ear out with a Tampax. 

For some reason, if The Boy even touches a tampon, his father reaction borders on requiring medical attention.

D:  EEEETHHHHAAAANNNN!!!!  That is not a QTip.

With that, the boy is in a run.  He has a QTip fetish.  He hoards them away for a rainy day.  I am aware of this obsession and make sure to always keep the hall closet closed.  His father, however, is not so facidious.  Whatever made The Boy grab a tampon instead is irrelevant.  He apparently needed to clean his ears.

K:  Actually, babe, it's kinda like a QTip.  For a tyrannosaurus maybe.  It's really the same materials.

Dear Lord, you would have thought I kicked him in the balls.  Excuse my french.  He flipped.  Ripping the tampon out of The Boy's hand, he walked away muttering under his breath.  I don't get it.  It was still in the package.  If a boy's gotta clean his ears, he's gotta clean his ears. 

Then I tried to take a shower without Dad present.  Not that I can't take a shower without Dad present.  I'm actually very good at washing myself.  It's just that with Dad home, the odds are raised (if only miniscually) that Ethan will not burn the house down or feed the dog an entire loaf of bread or call 911 and ask to be connected to Child Protective Services. 

Always an adventure, I stood there trying to scrape the scum off my body as the lights in the bathroom flashed like a rave.  I felt like I needed a glow stick in my mouth to complete the experience.  But then the water went really hot, really fast.  Then cold then hot then cold then hot then cold.

K:  Get OUT OF THE SINK AND STOP TURNING THE WATER OFF AND ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I leaned around the curtain to find him bending over to turn off the water.  With that he stood back up and continued what he was doing.

He was staring into the mirror intently and flossing his teeth.

I swear to you, he had a piece of floss (dangling from the floss container, of course) in between his teeth and with both hands was flossing his teeth. 

My dentist will be very quick to tell you that he absolutely DID NOT learn that from me.  I should have taken a picture but then again, I needed to get the shampoo out of my hair.