Mommy Needs a Cocktail

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For all of you who were wondering how long it would take for me to be publicly shunned at preschool

This entry was posted on 9/15/2006 4:03 PM and is filed under uncategorized.

It only took 2 days because I am such an overachiever.

Last night I noticed on the preschool carpool sheet that a kid in Ethan's class lived not far from us. I had talked to his mom several times and she mentioned that she was concerned about getting back to pick up another child from school after she picked up the smaller one. I told Derek that maybe I could help her out by giving her son a ride home sometimes.

I ran into her at school this afternoon and this is how it went down...

K: Hey, I noticed last night from looking at the carpool sheet that you guys live in our town. I know you had said that you were concerned about getting to your other child's school in time to pick that one up. I was thinking that down the road as we got to know each other, I could give Junior a ride if that would help you out.
M: I know that our address says (insert lesser city name here) but really we practically live in (insert swanky city name here). I don't think we live near each other. Where do you live?
K: We live off of Main Street.
M: We live off of Elm. I mean, we really almost live in (insert swanky city name here). That isn't anywhere near you.
K: Well Elm is the way I go home.
M: No it's not. Don't you live over by the mall?

I thought for sure the sign said "Elm" when I turned on it for the last 5 years, and she may as well have said "ghetto" rather than the mall.

K: Not really. I just thought I would offer because it seemed like you had to rush.
M: Well I am already in a carpool with the other child's school and the mothers over there would be really mad if I did this. And we practically live in (insert swanky city name here).
K: (wondering how I had somehow ended up in this alternate universe) OK, I just thought I would offer to help. No problem.

So THIS is how preschool is. I had heard about this phenomenon but never believed it. Kind of like playgroup hell, but without the cocktails to smooth things over.

I then went to the door to get Ethan. Miss J mentioned that I must have known that The Boy needed a bowel movement so I sent grapes for the group snack today.

Apparently I helped 8 children have bowel movements.

I am so not getting invited to the school Christmas party.

I called Marelle today to discuss what I am referring to as "The Carpooling Incident" and she flipped out.

Marelle: So what the hell was that all about?
K: I think she was saying that she had enough friends and didn't need anymore.
Marelle: You just offered her kid a ride. What the hell is up with the minivan comment? Like you aren't a good mother and can't carpool because you don't have a minivan. You think she could have just said 'no, thank you' rather than give you the laundry list of every reason WHY she didn't want to do it. You mean I have to put up with this crap at Faith's school too?
K: No, because Faith is in 4 year old preschool and you work full-time. So you don't have a SHOT at having anyone even acknowledging your presence let alone attempting to be your friend.
Marelle: Thank God. I can't believe she said you lived in the ghetto.

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9/15/2006 10:04 PM Amy wrote:
I don't even comprehend the need to behave in such a manner. Ugh. So sorry, K!
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9/18/2006 2:26 AM Jaime wrote:
OMG! I would've totally wanted to punch her in the face. Let's hope I never have that happen!
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9/18/2006 2:27 AM Jaime wrote:
And btw, LOVE the daddy shirt at Baby Brewing!!! SOOOO hilarious and SOOO my husband.
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9/18/2006 10:48 AM kate wrote:
I HAVE THE PERFECT RETORT.....

You know what your problem is?, You are so god damn bored you have to invent things to bitch about. You don't have a single thing to do on this earth except for your hair, the closet was fine, you just needed something to fill up your useless, nail polishing, toe polishing, rich bitch, sun tanning days.
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9/18/2006 1:44 PM Suebob wrote:
Oh, I used to live in that alternate universe. People sliced and diced their neighborhoods so fine because they were all uber-conscious of exact home values..."Oh, you live on Kingswood Drive? On the east side or west side of Tracy Avenue? Up on the hill or down below? By the park? Oooooh..." then you could see their face calculating how much of a loser you were. Nice.

These are the same people who came out by the hundreds to oppose a huge new regional park - little league fields, hockey rink, hiking trails - because it would bring "the wrong element." One woman at the meeting was in tears, yelling "How long is it going to be before someone is KILLED?" By a little leaguer?
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9/19/2006 4:20 PM Marel wrote:
Hey! Wait a minute!

I think that's what they were saying to me when they asked, "Oh, do you live north or sound of Sunrise?"

"North."

"Yeah. See. We live South."

Bitches!!!!

hahaha
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9/26/2006 1:31 AM Jessica wrote:
I don't know you, or where you live, your politics, or your property values etc... But I can tell you this: Uber moms are everywhere. At least that's what I call them here in Silicon Valley, CA. I do not understand their motives to hurt, but seems to be driven by hard core insecurity. A need to feel wealthy, worthy, like their lives are more than motherhood in a way that is nearly pathological.

My playgroup is no more due to such ladies. "I live in Willow Glenn, central Willow Glenn." "I live in outter Almaden Valley area." Get over yourself, you live in San Jose like the rest of us! Your address does not read "willow glenn" it reads San Jose just like the appartment building two blocks from you.

Please don't take it too personally. For every Uber mom, there are at least 10 who are cool, mellow, humaine, and loving moms like us. Hang in there. There will be more Uber moms out there, but now you know the game.
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