This morning I heard my husband get on our very crickety old scale after he got ready.  I jumped up to share in the glory as I was responsible for starving him in the manner to achieve this accomplishment.

D:  I gained weight?????

I came around the corner to find him standing on the scale, wearing his heavy duty khakis, a polo shirt, his brown boots and carrying his laptop.

Rank amateur.

K:  Give me your 7 lb. laptop (which it is).  Subtract AT LEAST 3 pounds for the boots.  How about now?
D:  oh.

Yeah.  What I didn't say was, subtract 1/2 pound for the shirt, 1 lb. for the pants, 1/4 lb. for the socks/underwear, 1 lb. for the $7 in change you have in your pocket and your guess is as good as mine for the deduction of that fat wallet that contains everything under the sun including that piece of paper with your ex-wife's social security number on it. 

If he were a woman, he would have gone to the bathroom first, taken off all his clothes, gotten on the scale, exhaled and then checked his weight.