T minus 12 days until we see Nana on vacation.  Luckily I realized this two days ago, along with the fact that I am a stay at home mother whose child can only say, "this," "that," and a bunch of other words that mean something but no one knows what.

Derek was taking E upstairs for his bath and I freaked out...

K:  You have to COUNT as you go up the stairs.  ONE, TWO, THREEEEEEE!
D:  Uh, why?
K:  For heaven's sake, his cousins knew the elements of the periodic table by 16 months.  Ethan thinks "Bwa" means please.  I'd say we are a little behind the power curve here.
D:  Do we care?
K:  We do now.  It would have been helpful if we did about 3 months ago but we are half-assed.
D:  Do you really think my mom will say something?

Crickets.

D:  One, Two, Three.  Come on, buddy.  Say it with me.  Four, five....

That's what I'm talking about.  In the meantime, I have checked the scoring systerm and we are lagging behind.  Saying "please" in the appropriate situations, 5 points.  Pronouncing it "bwa," minus 3 points.  Responding to EVERY single question or request with "bwa", plus 3 for courtesy and minus 2 points for bugging the crap out of me.  It's like trying to train a puppy and finding out that you have gotten ahead of yourself (and the peabrained animal) and now sit, stay and down are all one motion being done in hopes of getting 3 treats.  OMG, treats.  I hadn't thought of giving him food to perform. 

Now if we got points for eating matches, wicks from candles or dog food, we would be throwing the old Bell curve for a loop.  Taking off the diaper and peeing in the middle of the floor, guaranteed A.  Eating popcorn out of the trashcan, dropping mom's cell into dad's gin and tonic, dumping cartons of toys on the floor 2 minutes before the open house, falling down the concrete stairs, throwing mom's last clean outfit into the tub during her shower or falling out of bed, we could write the book. 

We haven't wasted our time with animal sounds.  Oh, no.  Party tricks like asking him who is the stinkier parent?  That we have down. 

Boot camp continues.  Does anyone know what sound an aardvark makes anyway?